| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Demonic Hordes | 268 | 101 | 369 | 79 | | Home | Southside Salamanders | 244 | 110 | 354 | 72 |
| Southside Salamanders |
Demonic Hordes |
|---|
| S | Scott Tolzien QB GB | 0 |
| I | Ryan Nassib QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Matt Flynn QB GB | -2 |
| I | Eli Manning QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Aaron Rodgers QB GB | 47 |
| S | Scott Wells OC LAR | 3 |
| I | Ben Jones OC HOU | 0 |
| S | James Carpenter OG SEA | 11 |
| S | T.J. Lang OG GB | 6 |
| I | Josh Sitton OG GB | 0 |
| S | Riley Reiff OT DET | 10 |
| S | Duane Brown OT HOU | 11 |
| I | Paul Cornick OT DEN | 0 |
| S | Kyle Juszczyk FB BAL | 11 |
| S | Arian Foster RB HOU | 43 |
| I | Lance Dunbar RB DAL | 0 |
| B | Benny Cunningham RB LAR | 2 |
| B | Joique Bell RB DET | 4 |
| I | Danny Woodhead RB LAC | 0 |
| S | Jamaal Charles RB KC | 30 |
| I | De'Anthony Thomas RB KC | 0 |
| B | Davante Adams WR GB | 5 |
| B | Taylor Gabriel WR CLE | 3 |
| B | Marqise Lee WR JAC | 1 |
| B | Markus Wheaton WR PIT | 5 |
| I | Aaron Dobson WR NE | 0 |
| B | Robert Woods WR BUF | 4 |
| I | Rod Streater WR LV | 0 |
| S | Kendall Wright WR TEN | 9 |
| I | Daniel Fells TE NYG | 0 |
| I | Kyle Rudolph TE MIN | 0 |
| S | Jared Cook TE LAR | 6 |
| B | Brandon Williams TE CAR | 1 |
| B | C.J. Fiedorowicz TE HOU | 3 |
| I | Derek Carrier TE SF | 0 |
| S | Mason Crosby K GB | 17 |
| I | Cairo Santos K KC | 0 |
| S | Carolina OST CAR | 10 |
| S | Ryan Kerrigan OLB WAS | 14 |
| S | Wes Horton DE CAR | 3 |
| S | Mike Daniels DE GB | 6 |
| S | Steve McLendon NT PIT | 0 |
| I | B.J. Raji NT ??? | 0 |
| S | Koa Misi OLB MIA | 0 |
| I | Jacquian Williams OLB NYG | 0 |
| B | Jonathan Massaquoi OLB ATL | 1 |
| I | Danny Trevathan OLB DEN | 0 |
| B | Wesley Woodyard ILB TEN | 5 |
| I | Ryan Shazier ILB PIT | 0 |
| S | A.J. Hawk ILB GB | 8 |
| S | Curtis Lofton ILB NO | 8 |
| B | Jason Verrett CB LAC | 1 |
| B | Sam Shields CB GB | 0 |
| S | Casey Hayward CB GB | 6 |
| S | Desmond Trufant CB ATL | 5 |
| B | Kyle Fuller CB CHI | 3 |
| B | Mike Adams S IND | 8 |
| S | Ha Ha Clinton-Dix S GB | 8 |
| I | Delano Howell S ??? | 0 |
| B | Eric Berry S KC | 0 |
| S | Reshad Jones S MIA | 12 |
| B | George Iloka S CIN | 3 |
| I | Tim Masthay P GB | 0 |
| S | Johnny Hekker P LAR | 16 |
| S | Baltimore DST BAL | 3 |
|
| I | David Fales QB CHI | 0 |
| S | Jimmy Garoppolo QB NE | 4 |
| S | Tom Brady QB NE | 66 |
| I | Jay Cutler QB CHI | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Clausen QB CHI | 0 |
| I | Russell Bodine OC CIN | 0 |
| S | Corey Linsley OC GB | 4 |
| I | Mike McGlynn OG KC | 0 |
| S | Brandon Brooks OG HOU | 8 |
| S | Zach Fulton OG KC | 8 |
| I | Eugene Monroe OT BAL | 0 |
| S | Mitchell Schwartz OT CLE | 6 |
| S | Terron Armstead OT NO | 11 |
| B | Zac Stacy RB LAR | 2 |
| B | Juwan Thompson RB DEN | 4 |
| S | Bishop Sankey RB TEN | 12 |
| S | Theo Riddick RB DET | 24 |
| B | Knile Davis RB KC | 5 |
| B | Alfred Morris RB WAS | 4 |
| B | Keenan Allen WR LAC | 7 |
| I | Anquan Boldin WR SF | 0 |
| S | Antonio Brown WR PIT | 40 |
| B | Brian Quick WR LAR | 1 |
| I | Rueben Randle WR NYG | 0 |
| B | Paul Richardson WR SEA | 1 |
| S | Allen Robinson WR JAC | 20 |
| B | Niles Paul TE WAS | 4 |
| S | Dwayne Allen TE IND | 19 |
| I | Larry Donnell TE NYG | 0 |
| I | Brandon Bostick TE GB | 0 |
| B | Cooper Helfet TE SEA | 3 |
| I | Mike Nugent K CIN | 0 |
| S | Patrick Murray K TB | 10 |
| S | Buffalo OST BUF | 5 |
| S | Charles Johnson DE CAR | 6 |
| S | Olivier Vernon DE MIA | 11 |
| B | Corey Liuget DE LAC | 2 |
| S | Brandon Williams NT BAL | 5 |
| I | Khaseem Greene OLB CHI | 0 |
| I | Jarvis Jones OLB PIT | 0 |
| I | Sean Weatherspoon OLB ??? | 0 |
| B | Cameron Jordan DE NO | 5 |
| S | Perry Riley ILB WAS | 9 |
| B | Brian Cushing ILB HOU | 0 |
| B | Mike Mohamed ILB HOU | 5 |
| I | Chris Borland ILB SF | 0 |
| I | NaVorro Bowman MLB ??? | 0 |
| I | Kiko Alonso MLB ??? | 0 |
| S | Jelani Jenkins OLB MIA | 9 |
| I | Trumaine McBride CB NYG | 0 |
| I | Janoris Jenkins CB LAR | 0 |
| I | Shareece Wright CB LAC | 0 |
| S | Antoine Cason CB BAL | 2 |
| I | Tyvon Branch S LV | 0 |
| B | J.J. Wilcox S DAL | 6 |
| B | Micah Hyde CB GB | 3 |
| I | Usama Young S LV | 0 |
| I | Quintin Demps S NYG | 0 |
| B | George Wilson S TEN | 2 |
| S | Jason McCourty CB TEN | 6 |
| S | Lardarius Webb CB BAL | 4 |
| S | Barry Church S DAL | 6 |
| B | Darian Stewart S BAL | 2 |
| S | Robert Blanton S MIN | 2 |
| S | Brandian Ross S LV | 4 |
| S | Bryan Anger P JAC | 12 |
| I | Brett Kern P TEN | 0 |
| S | Cincinnati DST CIN | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Aaron Rodgers groaned, "At least we weren't as bad as those '02 Flathead Cats... Yo, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this if you catch my drift. Gosh... we're hopeless." Well no kidding, Einstein. SRS was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Matt Flynn, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning SRS seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of Aaron Rodgers and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to SRS's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on DH for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir.
So now the series stands DH leads the all-time series 15-11 against SRS. DH has a 3-5 regular season record. SRS has a 7-1 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw DH has senselessly deluged SRS like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly 79-72 in front of a despondent home crowd.
Things went very well for the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 369 points, 268 on offense and 101 on defense. Tom Brady with 66 points on offense and Brett Kern with 18 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Jimmy Clausen. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..."
Says Jimmy Clausen, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!"
Knile Davis added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!"
There's no love lost between these two clubs. Raman Ohri shot, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." In response, the SRS coach grumbled, "Who? I didn't realize they were still in the league." |
