Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once drove the family station wagon through the front bay window. My father, as angry as an animal rights activist stumbling into an NRA convention, told me to retrieve the leftover turkey. He then ordered me into a cave and lectured me on my error in judgement. To this day, I still wet my pants whenever I think of that memory. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to SC today are the same. SP pulverizing SC like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly, topping them by the tune of 61-60 in front of a despondent home crowd. SP trails the all-time series 9-10 against SC. SP has a 5-3 regular season record. SC has a 2-6 regular season record. Ben Roethlisberger droned, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Chad Henne considered this when he said, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" Things went very well for the SP squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 320 points, 225 on offense and 95 on defense. Emmanuel Sanders with 40 points on offense and Daryl Smith with 24 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Michael Sutanto, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Stephon Gilmore performed like a spasmodic violinist. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those NT? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 1 Tackles, 1 Assists while taking the day off. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Reggie Bush. His nasty effort yielded precious little to praise. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Reggie Bush, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Kenny Stills added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Michael Sutanto stated, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the SC coach said, "Who? Do they even play professional football?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||