Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. HVC is quite the wanting team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by BB. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to BB for pulling out a meat cleaver, emasculating them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Nick Foles grumbled, "Our defense was stout - I mean, golly. Have you ever seen such an effort? I mean, except for those breakdowns that led to all those scores. For at least half of the plays, we were great though. It's something to build on is all I'm getting at." Mark Sanchez gurgled, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" BB has demoralized HVC as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, emasculating them by the tune of 33-31 in front of a despondent home crowd. BB is all knotted up in the all-time series 7-7 against HVC. BB has a 4-4 regular season record. HVC has a 1-7 regular season record. Things went very well for the BB squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 318 points, 176 on offense and 142 on defense. Philip Rivers with 41 points on offense and Brandon Meriweather with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Aaron Cook, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, David Harris played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he secretes some sort of viscous slime from his arms when he gets hot. This in turn makes the ball, his uniform, his hands, whatever - kinda slick. If you look at many of his 3789 miscues over the year, you can see that often times, nobody even touches him and he falls down, the ball slips out of his hands, or he misfires on a play. As for those DST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 4 Punt returns defended, 46 Defended punt return yardage, 11.5 Defended punt return average, 1 Defended kickoff returns, 99 Defended kickoff return yardage, 99 Defended kickoff return average, 1 Kickoff return touchdowns allowed over the course of the contest. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Shaun Hill. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Aaron Cook grumbled, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the HVC coach quipped, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||