Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Matt Forte noted, "We know it's going to be a hard-fought game when we play these clowns - tough, physical... It's important to win the physical football games because you put so much into it. We didn't do that today. Every time I looked up, I heard the crowd and I figured it was another turnover. It's tough to lose when you've worked all week. Mentally, you have to let it go." Well no kidding, Einstein. LLL was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. inept. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by LLL on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. So now the series stands MHD leads the all-time series 14-5 against LLL. MHD has a 5-3 regular season record. LLL has a 4-4 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw MHD has decaffeinated LLL like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den 69-29 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. Things went very well for the MHD squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 354 points, 259 on offense and 95 on defense. Rob Gronkowski with 57 points on offense and Anthony Barr with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Tarvaris Jackson. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Tarvaris Jackson, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Kelvin Beachum added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." There's no love lost between these two clubs. Chip Riggs whined, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the LLL coach stated, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||