| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | WHO DAT | 187 | 73 | 260 | 55 | | Home | Happy Valley Cougars | 128 | 77 | 205 | 28 |
| Happy Valley Cougars |
WHO DAT |
|---|
| I | Tom Savage QB HOU | 0 |
| I | Ryan Fitzpatrick QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Mark Sanchez QB PHI | 22 |
| I | Ryan Mallett QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Nick Foles QB PHI | 16 |
| S | Matt Barkley QB PHI | 0 |
| I | Jason Kelce OC PHI | 0 |
| S | Justin Britt OT SEA | 8 |
| S | Tim Lelito OC NO | 6 |
| I | Jeff Allen OG KC | 0 |
| I | Evan Mathis OG PHI | 0 |
| S | John Greco OG CLE | 3 |
| I | Lane Taylor OG GB | 0 |
| S | Ronald Leary OG DAL | 0 |
| I | Bryan Bulaga OT GB | 0 |
| S | Bobby Massie OT ARI | 6 |
| B | Lorenzo Taliaferro RB BAL | 1 |
| I | Anthony Dixon RB BUF | 0 |
| B | Isaiah Crowell RB CLE | 0 |
| B | Travaris Cadet RB NO | 2 |
| S | Denard Robinson WR JAC | 22 |
| S | Jerick McKinnon RB MIN | 11 |
| B | Marion Grice RB ARI | 2 |
| S | Terrance Williams WR DAL | 5 |
| B | Donte Moncrief WR IND | 0 |
| I | Duke Williams S BUF | 0 |
| B | Stedman Bailey WR LAR | 1 |
| B | Jermaine Kearse WR SEA | 2 |
| B | Jarius Wright WR MIN | 1 |
| I | Josh Gordon WR CLE | 0 |
| B | Jordan Matthews WR PHI | 4 |
| S | Ladarius Green TE LAC | 1 |
| S | Virgil Green TE DEN | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Graham TE NO | 0 |
| I | Cody Parkey K PHI | 0 |
| S | Justin Tucker K BAL | 8 |
| S | Cincinnati OST CIN | 3 |
| I | Jacksonville OST JAC | 0 |
| B | Alex Okafor OLB ARI | 1 |
| B | Allen Bailey DE KC | 3 |
| S | Courtney Upshaw OLB BAL | 2 |
| S | Bennie Logan NT PHI | 7 |
| S | Cameron Heyward DE PIT | 4 |
| B | Marcus Smith OLB PHI | 0 |
| B | Jeremiah Attaochu LB LAC | 0 |
| S | J.T. Thomas OLB JAC | 0 |
| S | Robert Quinn DE LAR | 14 |
| S | Justin Tuggle ILB HOU | 2 |
| I | Darryl Sharpton ILB CHI | 0 |
| S | Mark Barron S LAR | 1 |
| I | Christian Jones LB CHI | 0 |
| I | Avery Williamson ILB TEN | 0 |
| S | Christian Kirksey ILB CLE | 1 |
| I | Sam Barrington ILB GB | 0 |
| B | Dwayne Gratz CB JAC | 4 |
| B | Josh Norman CB CAR | 5 |
| I | Blidi Wreh-Wilson CB TEN | 0 |
| S | Bashaud Breeland CB WAS | 7 |
| S | Rafael Bush S NO | 8 |
| I | Morgan Burnett S GB | 0 |
| S | Lamarcus Joyner CB LAR | 6 |
| S | Thomas Morstead P NO | 11 |
| S | Jacksonville DST JAC | 1 |
|
| S | Matt Moore QB MIA | 1 |
| I | Tony Romo QB DAL | 0 |
| S | Pat Devlin QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Ryan Tannehill QB MIA | 47 |
| I | Brandon Weeden QB DAL | 0 |
| S | Travis Frederick OC DAL | 3 |
| I | Willie Colon OG NYJ | 0 |
| S | D.J. Fluker OT LAC | 1 |
| S | Chris Chester OG WAS | 6 |
| I | Evan Smith OC TB | 0 |
| S | Clint Boling OG CIN | 11 |
| S | Ryan Harris OT KC | 9 |
| I | Demar Dotson OT TB | 0 |
| I | Fred Jackson RB BUF | 0 |
| I | Matt Forte RB CHI | 0 |
| S | Jordan Todman RB JAC | 5 |
| I | Calvin Johnson WR DET | 0 |
| B | Vincent Jackson WR TB | 5 |
| I | Harry Douglas WR ATL | 0 |
| I | Jerricho Cotchery WR CAR | 0 |
| B | Brian Hartline WR MIA | 3 |
| S | Eddie Royal WR LAC | 0 |
| S | Odell Beckham WR NYG | 27 |
| I | Scott Chandler TE BUF | 0 |
| S | Coby Fleener TE IND | 29 |
| B | Jim Dray TE CLE | 1 |
| S | Anthony Fasano TE KC | 21 |
| B | Brent Celek TE PHI | 4 |
| S | Nick Novak K LAC | 0 |
| I | Robbie Gould K CHI | 0 |
| S | Dallas OST DAL | 14 |
| I | Julius Peppers OLB GB | 0 |
| I | George Johnson DE DET | 0 |
| S | Frank Kearse DL WAS | 0 |
| S | Derrick Shelby DE MIA | 0 |
| B | Dee Ford OLB KC | 0 |
| I | Sammie Lee Hill NT TEN | 0 |
| I | Corey Peters DE ATL | 0 |
| S | Fletcher Cox DE PHI | 3 |
| I | Kamerion Wimbley OLB TEN | 0 |
| S | Connor Barwin OLB PHI | 9 |
| I | Willie Young DE CHI | 0 |
| B | Mychal Kendricks ILB PHI | 8 |
| B | David Hawthorne ILB NO | 0 |
| S | D'Qwell Jackson ILB IND | 5 |
| S | Danny Lansanah OLB TB | 3 |
| S | C.J. Mosley ILB BAL | 10 |
| B | Terence Newman CB CIN | 4 |
| S | Joe Haden CB CLE | 5 |
| S | Prince Amukamara CB NYG | 3 |
| B | Chris Culliver CB SF | 1 |
| S | Charles Woodson S LV | 5 |
| B | Nate Allen S PHI | 0 |
| B | Kam Chancellor S SEA | 0 |
| B | Mike Mitchell S PIT | 2 |
| S | Rashad Johnson S ARI | 5 |
| I | Matt Bosher P ATL | 0 |
| S | Sam Koch P BAL | 10 |
| S | New York (A) DST NYJ | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press)
I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. HVC is quite the vile team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by LLL. "You want fries with that?" Yep, we'll be hearing that from Ronald Leary in the near-future after this week's performance. After a time, I began to play a game, counting the seconds between mistakes, waiting with giddy excitement while seeing that head coach of theirs as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal.
Jimmy Graham quipped, "It's rough, ya know... When coach picked me up,
I knew I was fated for misery. I mean, I find myself entrenched on the
roster of the league punching bag."
Ronald Leary grumbled, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?"
LLL bludgeoning HVC like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly, blitzing them by the tune of 55-28 in front of a despondent home crowd. LLL trails the all-time series 7-8 against HVC. LLL has a 5-4 regular season record. HVC has a 1-8 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the LLL squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 260 points, 187 on offense and 73 on defense. Ryan Tannehill with 47 points on offense and Mychal Kendricks with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Scott Lawrence, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Chris Culliver was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those K? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing instead of playing. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Tony Romo.
Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Scott Lawrence groaned, "Who? I didn't realize they were still in the league." In response, the HVC coach stated, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." |
