Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once drove the family station wagon through the front bay window. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve a meat cleaver. He then hauled me to the dark, dank closet and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. At night, I still occasionally wake up screaming. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to AW today are the same. TSI has beaten AW as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, crushing them by the tune of 64-46 in front of a despondent home crowd. TSI trails the all-time series 6-9 against AW. TSI has a 7-2 regular season record. AW has a 7-2 regular season record. Joe Flacco exclaimed, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Brandon Lloyd said, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." They looked unstoppable on the TSI squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 283 points, 179 on offense and 104 on defense. Jeremy Maclin with 37 points on offense and Jamie Collins with 13 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Andre Johnson was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those OST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Punt return, 8 Punt return yardage, 8 Punt return average, 4 Kickoff returns, 84 Kickoff return yardage, 21 Kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Drew Stanton. His hideous effort yielded little but his position coach's fury. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Drew Stanton, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Sean Smith added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Al Burns waxed poetic, stating, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." In response, the AW coach said, "I suppose every league needs a doormat. I feel some degree of scorn for them to be sure, but mostly, I just shake my head and watch them bumble their way from game to game with a sense of detached amusement." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||