| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Happy Valley Cougars | 165 | 98 | 263 | 30 | | Home | Steel Curtain | 208 | 105 | 313 | 55 |
| Steel Curtain |
Happy Valley Cougars |
|---|
| S | Ben Roethlisberger QB PIT | 36 |
| I | Chad Henne QB JAC | 0 |
| S | Bruce Gradkowski QB PIT | 0 |
| S | Landry Jones QB PIT | 0 |
| I | Blake Bortles QB JAC | 0 |
| I | Roberto Garza OC CHI | 0 |
| S | Jeremy Zuttah OC BAL | 7 |
| I | Bryan Stork OC NE | 0 |
| S | David DeCastro OG PIT | 3 |
| S | Marcus Gilbert OT PIT | 3 |
| I | Nate Solder OT NE | 0 |
| S | Orlando Franklin OG DEN | 14 |
| S | LaAdrian Waddle OT DET | 6 |
| I | Greg Robinson OG LAR | 0 |
| I | Trent Richardson RB IND | 0 |
| I | C.J. Spiller RB BUF | 0 |
| S | Bryce Brown RB BUF | 16 |
| S | Andre Williams RB NYG | 13 |
| I | Charles Sims III RB TB | 0 |
| B | Stepfan Taylor RB ARI | 0 |
| S | Julio Jones WR ATL | 23 |
| B | Marlon Brown WR BAL | 1 |
| B | Nick Toon WR NO | 0 |
| B | Justin Hunter WR TEN | 1 |
| B | Kenbrell Thompkins WR LV | 0 |
| S | Greg Olsen TE CAR | 29 |
| B | Andrew Quarless TE GB | 5 |
| B | Levine Toilolo TE ATL | 2 |
| B | David Ausberry TE LV | 0 |
| S | Julius Thomas TE DEN | 38 |
| S | Sebastian Janikowski K LV | 7 |
| I | Josh Scobee K JAC | 0 |
| I | Indianapolis OST IND | 0 |
| S | Ropati Pitoitua DE TEN | 3 |
| I | Chris Long DE LAR | 0 |
| S | Gerald McCoy DT TB | 2 |
| S | Calais Campbell DE ARI | 16 |
| S | Ndamukong Suh DT DET | 16 |
| I | Sean Lee OLB ??? | 0 |
| I | Brooks Reed OLB HOU | 0 |
| B | Vontaze Burfict OLB CIN | 0 |
| S | Khalil Mack OLB LV | 5 |
| B | Nate Irving MLB DEN | 0 |
| B | Lamin Barrow MLB DEN | 0 |
| B | Anthony Hitchens OLB DAL | 5 |
| B | Nick Roach MLB LV | 0 |
| B | Jon Beason MLB NYG | 0 |
| S | Preston Brown MLB BUF | 8 |
| S | Lavonte David OLB TB | 13 |
| I | Alfonzo Dennard CB NE | 0 |
| S | Chris Harris CB DEN | 10 |
| S | Stanley Jean-Baptiste CB NO | 0 |
| I | Kareem Jackson CB HOU | 0 |
| S | Earl Thomas III S SEA | 12 |
| B | Will Hill DB BAL | 2 |
| B | Shamarko Thomas S PIT | 0 |
| S | Tyrann Mathieu S ARI | 3 |
| B | Eric Reid S SF | 4 |
| I | Jeff Locke P MIN | 0 |
| S | Ryan Quigley P NYJ | 6 |
| I | Indianapolis DST IND | 0 |
|
| I | Tom Savage QB HOU | 0 |
| I | Ryan Fitzpatrick QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Mark Sanchez QB PHI | 35 |
| I | Ryan Mallett QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Nick Foles QB PHI | 0 |
| S | Matt Barkley QB PHI | -1 |
| I | Tim Lelito OC NO | 0 |
| S | Justin Britt OT SEA | 19 |
| S | Jason Kelce OC PHI | 8 |
| S | Evan Mathis OG PHI | 8 |
| I | Garrett Reynolds OG DET | 0 |
| S | Ronald Leary OG DAL | 11 |
| I | Jeff Allen OG KC | 0 |
| I | Tom Compton OT WAS | 0 |
| S | Joe Thomas OT CLE | 11 |
| I | Anthony Dixon RB BUF | 0 |
| B | Lorenzo Taliaferro RB BAL | 1 |
| S | Travaris Cadet RB NO | 8 |
| B | Isaiah Crowell RB CLE | 3 |
| B | Marion Grice RB ARI | 0 |
| I | Jerick McKinnon RB MIN | 0 |
| S | Denard Robinson WR JAC | 18 |
| I | Donte Moncrief WR IND | 0 |
| I | Josh Gordon WR CLE | 0 |
| B | Jermaine Kearse WR SEA | 3 |
| S | Terrance Williams WR DAL | 0 |
| B | Duke Williams S BUF | 0 |
| I | Ladarius Green TE LAC | 0 |
| S | Cooper Helfet TE SEA | 24 |
| S | Gator Hoskins TE MIA | 3 |
| I | Joseph Fauria TE DET | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Graham TE NO | 0 |
| B | Jordan Matthews WR PHI | 9 |
| S | Justin Tucker K BAL | 5 |
| I | Cody Parkey K PHI | 0 |
| I | Jacksonville OST JAC | 0 |
| I | Cincinnati OST CIN | 0 |
| S | Aaron Lynch OLB SF | 6 |
| I | Allen Bailey DE KC | 0 |
| S | Bennie Logan NT PHI | 3 |
| S | Cameron Heyward DE PIT | 11 |
| I | Jonathan Newsome LB IND | 0 |
| S | J.T. Thomas OLB JAC | 8 |
| I | Marcus Smith OLB PHI | 0 |
| I | Jeremiah Attaochu LB LAC | 0 |
| S | Robert Quinn DE LAR | 6 |
| S | Mark Barron S LAR | 10 |
| I | Darryl Sharpton ILB CHI | 0 |
| S | Avery Williamson ILB TEN | 12 |
| I | Christian Jones LB CHI | 0 |
| I | Corey Nelson LB DEN | 0 |
| S | Christian Kirksey ILB CLE | 6 |
| I | Sam Barrington ILB GB | 0 |
| B | Dwayne Gratz CB JAC | 3 |
| B | Josh Norman CB CAR | 1 |
| S | Blidi Wreh-Wilson CB TEN | 7 |
| I | Bashaud Breeland CB WAS | 0 |
| B | Rafael Bush S NO | 4 |
| S | Morgan Burnett S GB | 10 |
| B | Lamarcus Joyner CB LAR | 0 |
| S | Thomas Morstead P NO | 11 |
| I | Jacksonville DST JAC | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Jimmy Graham groaned, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Well no kidding, Einstein. HVC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to SC for pulling out a kipper snack, maiming their egos and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game.
So now the series stands SC trails the all-time series 8-19 against HVC. SC has a 3-7 regular season record. HVC has a 1-9 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SC bludgeoning HVC as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield 55-30 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
Things went very well for the SC squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 313 points, 208 on offense and 105 on defense. Julius Thomas with 38 points on offense and Calais Campbell with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Chad Henne. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..."
Says Chad Henne, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!"
Landry Jones added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!"
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Matthew R. Watson droned, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." In response, the HVC coach noted, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." |
