| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Punxsutawney Chucks | 179 | 117 | 296 | 50 | | Home | For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge | 202 | 80 | 282 | 43 |
| For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge |
Punxsutawney Chucks |
|---|
| I | Tyrod Taylor QB BAL | 0 |
| I | Joe Flacco QB BAL | 0 |
| S | Drew Brees QB NO | 28 |
| S | Luke McCown QB NO | 0 |
| S | Ryan Griffin QB NO | 0 |
| I | Nick Hardwick OC LAC | 0 |
| S | J.D. Walton OC NYG | 9 |
| S | Todd Herremans OG PHI | 0 |
| S | Jahri Evans OG NO | 8 |
| I | Brandon Linder OG JAC | 0 |
| S | Andrew Whitworth OT CIN | 2 |
| I | Breno Giacomini OT NYJ | 0 |
| S | Ryan Clady OT DEN | 14 |
| I | Derek Newton OT HOU | 0 |
| I | Darrel Young FB WAS | 0 |
| B | Anthony Sherman FB KC | 5 |
| B | Bruce Miller FB SF | 2 |
| B | Chris Ivory RB NYJ | 2 |
| I | Joseph Randle RB DAL | 0 |
| S | Eddie Lacy RB GB | 24 |
| S | DeMarco Murray RB DAL | 23 |
| B | Brandon Lloyd WR SF | 0 |
| B | Miles Austin WR CLE | 3 |
| S | Jordy Nelson WR GB | 36 |
| S | Eric Decker WR NYJ | 6 |
| I | Cody Latimer WR DEN | 0 |
| I | Jeff Janis WR GB | 0 |
| I | Corey Washington WR NYG | 0 |
| B | Allen Hurns WR JAC | 1 |
| I | Antonio Gates TE LAC | 0 |
| S | Owen Daniels TE BAL | 14 |
| I | Taylor Thompson TE TEN | 0 |
| S | Caleb Sturgis K MIA | 15 |
| I | Adam Vinatieri K IND | 0 |
| S | Detroit OST DET | 6 |
| I | Cory Redding DE IND | 0 |
| I | Brian Robison DE MIN | 0 |
| S | Geno Atkins DT CIN | 2 |
| S | Johnathan Hankins DT NYG | 8 |
| S | Trent Cole OLB PHI | 9 |
| S | Geno Hayes OLB JAC | 2 |
| S | Mike Neal DE GB | 3 |
| I | Jasper Brinkley MLB MIN | 0 |
| B | Ahmad Brooks OLB SF | 5 |
| I | Matt Shaughnessy OLB ARI | 0 |
| S | Jerry Hughes DE BUF | 12 |
| I | Melvin Ingram OLB LAC | 0 |
| B | D.J. Williams MLB CHI | 2 |
| S | Rey Maualuga MLB CIN | 0 |
| I | Bobby Wagner MLB SEA | 0 |
| I | Brandon Flowers CB LAC | 0 |
| S | Alan Ball CB JAC | 0 |
| I | Johnathan Joseph CB HOU | 0 |
| S | Melvin White CB CAR | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Smith CB BAL | 0 |
| B | Ahmad Dixon S MIN | 1 |
| I | Jairus Byrd S NO | 0 |
| S | Louis Delmas S MIA | 7 |
| I | Kendrick Lewis S HOU | 0 |
| S | T.J. Ward S DEN | 13 |
| I | Kevin Huber P CIN | 0 |
| S | Andy Lee P SF | 8 |
| S | New York (N) DST NYG | 8 |
|
| S | Cam Newton QB CAR | 15 |
| I | Kirk Cousins QB WAS | 0 |
| S | Derek Anderson QB CAR | 0 |
| I | Colt McCoy QB WAS | 0 |
| S | Joe Webb QB CAR | 3 |
| I | Robert Griffin QB WAS | 0 |
| I | Jonathan Goodwin OC NO | 0 |
| S | Maurkice Pouncey OC PIT | 2 |
| S | Rob Sims OG DET | 7 |
| S | J.R. Sweezy OG SEA | 20 |
| I | Hugh Thornton OG IND | 0 |
| S | Andre Smith OT CIN | 0 |
| I | Erik Pears OT BUF | 0 |
| S | Joe Barksdale OT LAR | 0 |
| I | Matt Asiata RB MIN | 0 |
| B | Peyton Hillis RB NYG | 1 |
| I | Alfred Blue RB HOU | 0 |
| B | Ka'Deem Carey RB CHI | 1 |
| S | Andre Ellington RB ARI | 17 |
| I | Giovani Bernard RB CIN | 0 |
| I | Knowshon Moreno RB MIA | 0 |
| I | Ahmad Bradshaw RB IND | 0 |
| S | Ryan Davis DE JAC | 3 |
| S | Larry Fitzgerald WR ARI | 24 |
| S | Dwayne Bowe WR KC | 18 |
| I | Brandon LaFell WR NE | 0 |
| B | James Casey TE PHI | 2 |
| S | Heath Miller TE PIT | 11 |
| B | Brandon Myers TE TB | 1 |
| I | Garrett Graham TE HOU | 0 |
| B | Derek Carrier TE SF | 2 |
| S | Mychal Rivera TE LV | 25 |
| B | Virgil Green TE DEN | 0 |
| S | Brandon McManus K DEN | 17 |
| I | Tampa Bay OST TB | 0 |
| S | Saint Louis OST LAR | 10 |
| S | Desmond Bryant DE CLE | 11 |
| B | Robert Ayers DE NYG | 4 |
| S | Randy Starks DT MIA | 4 |
| B | Elvis Dumervil OLB BAL | 7 |
| S | Sen'Derrick Marks DT JAC | 5 |
| B | Brandon Mebane DT SEA | 2 |
| S | Miles Burris OLB LV | 6 |
| B | Jason Worilds OLB PIT | 5 |
| S | DeAndre Levy OLB DET | 13 |
| I | Paul Posluszny MLB JAC | 0 |
| B | Kroy Biermann OLB ATL | 6 |
| B | James Harrison OLB PIT | 4 |
| S | K.J. Wright MLB SEA | 6 |
| B | Kemal Ishmael S ATL | 4 |
| S | Brice McCain DB PIT | 4 |
| S | Keenan Lewis CB NO | 2 |
| B | Cortez Allen CB PIT | 0 |
| I | Xavier Rhodes CB MIN | 0 |
| I | Eric Weddle S LAC | 0 |
| S | Dawan Landry S NYJ | 5 |
| B | Major Wright S TB | 3 |
| I | Troy Polamalu S PIT | 0 |
| S | Antoine Bethea S SF | 13 |
| S | Brandon Fields P MIA | 10 |
| I | Brad Wing P PIT | 0 |
| S | Cleveland DST CLE | 3 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Jordy Nelson stated, "We had a chance at the beginning, man. We hung in there through the opening kickoff. We fought, but after that, we just didn't get her done. It's a bit disappointing, to be sure." Well no kidding, Einstein. AW was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. hideous. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by AW on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football.
So now the series stands PC trails the all-time series 11-13 against AW. PC has a 7-3 regular season record. AW has a 7-3 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw PC overwhelming AW as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory 48-41 in front of a despondent home crowd.
They looked unstoppable on the PC squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 296 points, 176 on offense and 120 on defense. Mychal Rivera with 25 points on offense and Elvis Dumervil with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man of the game goes to Derek Anderson. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..."
Says Derek Anderson, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal."
Dawan Landry added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated
Valkyrie... Man...
brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.'
"
There's no love lost between these two clubs. Glenn Good gurgled, "Who? Do they even play professional football?" In response, the AW coach blathered, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." |
