Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. KIR is quite the pathetic team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by TB. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to TB for pulling out a kipper snack, maiming their egos and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Brandon Marshall shot, "Our defense was stout - I mean, golly. Have you ever seen such an effort? I mean, except for those breakdowns that led to all those scores. For at least half of the plays, we were great though. It's something to build on is all I'm getting at." Donnie Avery blathered, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" TB has decaffeinated KIR as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, maiming their egos by the tune of 49-32 in front of a despondent home crowd. TB leads the all-time series 8-6 against KIR. TB has a 4-7 regular season record. KIR has a 5-6 regular season record. Things went very well for the TB squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 283 points, 182 on offense and 101 on defense. Peyton Manning with 33 points on offense and Ryan Allen with 21 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Tim Marshall, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, John Greco was as sharp as a sponge today. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those DST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 2 Punt returns defended, 13 Defended punt return yardage, 6.5 Defended punt return average, 2 Defended kickoff returns, 49 Defended kickoff return yardage, 24.5 Defended kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Brandon Pettigrew. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Tim Marshall gurgled, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the KIR coach stated, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||