Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. HVC is quite the repulsive team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SRS. "You want fries with that?" Yep, we'll be hearing that from Ryan Fitzpatrick in the near-future after this week's performance. After a time, I began to play a game, counting the seconds between mistakes, waiting with giddy excitement while seeing that head coach of theirs as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal. Ryan Mallett blathered, "We had a chance at the beginning, man. We hung in there through the opening kickoff. We fought, but after that, we just didn't get her done. It's a bit disappointing, to be sure." Ryan Fitzpatrick gurgled, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" SRS has senselessly deluged HVC like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly, topping them by the tune of 73-22 in front of a despondent home crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 26-1 against HVC. SRS has a 10-1 regular season record. HVC has a 1-10 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the SRS squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 346 points, 228 on offense and 118 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 49 points on offense and Mike Adams with 27 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Johnny Hekker played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 4 Punt return, 16 Punt return yardage, 4 Punt return average, 4 Kickoff returns, 73 Kickoff return yardage, 18.25 Kickoff return average throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Eli Manning. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Allen Cummings quipped, "Every neighborhood has the story about that crazy old man who chases the neighborhood children off his property with a rake... pretty harmless and a bit pitiable... kinda reminds me of our erstwhile opponents there." In response, the HVC coach considered this when he said, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||