Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once convinced my cousin to join the circus. My father, as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone, told me to retrieve a stick of dynamite. He then drew me behind the shed and taught me the meaning of life. Even now, I walk with a considerable limp. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to TH today are the same. TSI has demoralized TH as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, publicly humiliating them by the tune of 14-10 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TSI leads the all-time series 18-10-1 against TH. TSI has a 9-2 regular season record. TH has a 4-7 regular season record. Andrew Luck droned, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Matt Hasselbeck stated, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" They were almost perfect on the TSI squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 270 points, 157 on offense and 113 on defense. Greg Zuerlein with 33 points on offense and Luke Kuechly with 19 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Kevin Zeitler was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. His bones are made of flubber, so I don't think that's the problem. At least I wouldn't call that a break per se. Still, he's too much of a little baby to play with that little bruise. Broken vertabrae? I doubt that very much. It's clear who is here just to collect a check and frankly, I won't forget it. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 3 Punt return, 27 Punt return yardage, 9 Punt return average, 7 Kickoff returns, 93 Kickoff return yardage, 26.083 Kickoff return average while taking the day off. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Dan Orlovsky. His grotesque effort yielded as many positives as a hydrogen ion. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Dan Orlovsky, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Rashad Jennings added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Al Burns blathered, "Every neighborhood has the story about that crazy old man who chases the neighborhood children off his property with a rake... pretty harmless and a bit pitiable... kinda reminds me of our erstwhile opponents there." In response, the TH coach blathered, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||