Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once ate my sister's homework. My father, as angry as an animal rights activist stumbling into an NRA convention, told me to retrieve the meat grinder. He then pushed me across the embers in the firepit and pummeled me within inches of my life. Even now, I walk with a considerable limp. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to OA today are the same. AW has publically emasculated OA like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly, stomping their dead, bloated corpses by the tune of 61-16 in front of a despondent home crowd. AW trails the all-time series 8-9 against OA. AW has a 8-4 regular season record. OA has a 5-7 regular season record. Dez Bryant quipped, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Max Unger blathered, "No comment." When pressed, he added, "Get out of my face, man... I don't want to get fined for shoving that there microphone in a deep, dark crevass on your person if you catch my drift." Things went very well for the AW squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 373 points, 241 on offense and 132 on defense. Drew Brees with 62 points on offense and Johnathan Joseph with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Tarell Brown performed like a spasmodic violinist. His bones are made of flubber, so I don't think that's the problem. At least I wouldn't call that a break per se. Still, he's too much of a little baby to play with that little bruise. Broken vertabrae? I doubt that very much. It's clear who is here just to collect a check and frankly, I won't forget it. As for those DST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 4 Punt returns defended, 68 Defended punt return yardage, 17 Defended punt return average, 1 Defended kickoff returns, 22 Defended kickoff return yardage, 22 Defended kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Brandon Lloyd. His pitiful effort yielded nothing but the scorn of his teammates. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Brandon Lloyd, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Eddie Lacy added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " There's no love lost between these two clubs. Tim Shoemaker whined, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." In response, the OA coach stated, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||