Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed my sister's Barbie doll collection into a corn thrasher. My father, as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal, told me to retrieve a splitting maul. He then ordered me atop the compost heap and lectured me on my error in judgement. Even now, twenty-six years later, the terror of that day lives on. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to KIR today are the same. TSI has demoralized KIR like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, crushing them by the tune of 49-23 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TSI leads the all-time series 8-6 against KIR. TSI has a 10-2 regular season record. KIR has a 5-7 regular season record. Kyle Orton said, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Donnie Avery noted, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" They looked unstoppable on the TSI squad particularly on the defensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 303 points, 160 on offense and 143 on defense. A.J. Green with 29 points on offense and Chris Clemons with 18 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Chandler Jones played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. His bones are made of flubber, so I don't think that's the problem. At least I wouldn't call that a break per se. Still, he's too much of a little baby to play with that little bruise. Broken vertabrae? I doubt that very much. It's clear who is here just to collect a check and frankly, I won't forget it. As for those DB? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 2 Tackles instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Dan Orlovsky. His awful effort yielded a month in the doghouse. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Dan Orlovsky, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Brandon Spikes added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Al Burns said, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the KIR coach considered this when he said, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||