Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once ate my sister's homework. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve our self-help electroshock therapy kit. He then ordered me into the cellar and taught me the meaning of life. Even now, twenty-six years later, the terror of that day lives on. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to PC today are the same. KIR pulverizing PC like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, bludgeoning them by the tune of 42-14 in front of a despondent home crowd. KIR trails the all-time series 2-6 against PC. KIR has a 5-7 regular season record (1-0 in this year's playoffs). PC has a 8-4 regular season record (0-1 in this year's playoffs). Colt McCoy grumbled, "It's rough, ya know... When coach picked me up, I knew I was fated for misery. I mean, I find myself entrenched on the roster of the league punching bag." Larry Fitzgerald blathered, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" They looked unstoppable on the KIR squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 296 points, 190 on offense and 106 on defense. DeAndre Hopkins with 50 points on offense and Trumaine Johnson with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Kevin Snyder, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Zach Ertz played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those OST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 4 Kickoff returns, 90 Kickoff return yardage, 22.5 Kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Donnie Avery. His horrible effort yielded a resigned sigh from his teammates. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Donnie Avery, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Jamari Lattimore added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Kevin Snyder gurgled, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the PC coach considered this when he said, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||