| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | WHO DAT | 183 | 86 | 269 | 29 | | Home | Southside Salamanders | 170 | 126 | 296 | 42 |
| Southside Salamanders |
WHO DAT |
|---|
| S | Scott Tolzien QB GB | 0 |
| I | Ryan Nassib QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Matt Flynn QB GB | 0 |
| I | Eli Manning QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Aaron Rodgers QB GB | 1 |
| I | Scott Wells OC LAR | 0 |
| S | Ben Jones OC HOU | 9 |
| S | James Carpenter OG SEA | 8 |
| I | T.J. Lang OG GB | 0 |
| S | Josh Sitton OG GB | 12 |
| S | Will Beatty OT NYG | 10 |
| S | Duane Brown OT HOU | 9 |
| I | Riley Reiff OT DET | 0 |
| B | Kyle Juszczyk FB BAL | 2 |
| I | Danny Woodhead RB LAC | 0 |
| B | Benny Cunningham RB LAR | 2 |
| B | Joique Bell RB DET | 5 |
| S | Arian Foster RB HOU | 21 |
| S | Jamaal Charles RB KC | 8 |
| B | De'Anthony Thomas RB KC | 3 |
| B | Davante Adams WR GB | 1 |
| I | Taylor Gabriel WR CLE | 0 |
| B | Marqise Lee WR JAC | 2 |
| S | Markus Wheaton WR PIT | 13 |
| I | Aaron Dobson WR NE | 0 |
| B | Robert Woods WR BUF | 2 |
| I | Rod Streater WR LV | 0 |
| I | Kendall Wright WR TEN | 0 |
| I | Brandon Williams TE CAR | 0 |
| B | Daniel Fells TE NYG | 3 |
| S | Jared Cook TE LAR | 14 |
| S | Kyle Rudolph TE MIN | 25 |
| B | C.J. Fiedorowicz TE HOU | 2 |
| I | Cairo Santos K KC | 0 |
| S | Mason Crosby K GB | 11 |
| S | Dallas OST DAL | 3 |
| S | Cliff Avril DE SEA | 3 |
| S | Ryan Kerrigan OLB WAS | 9 |
| I | Wes Horton DE CAR | 0 |
| S | Mike Daniels DE GB | 10 |
| I | B.J. Raji NT ??? | 0 |
| S | Steve McLendon NT PIT | 2 |
| I | Koa Misi OLB MIA | 0 |
| I | Jacquian Williams OLB NYG | 0 |
| B | Nick Perry OLB GB | 3 |
| B | Wesley Woodyard ILB TEN | 3 |
| B | Danny Trevathan OLB DEN | 3 |
| B | Ryan Shazier ILB PIT | 2 |
| S | A.J. Hawk ILB GB | 9 |
| S | Curtis Lofton ILB NO | 7 |
| S | Sam Shields CB GB | 5 |
| B | Travis Carrie CB LV | 3 |
| I | Jason Verrett CB LAC | 0 |
| S | Kyle Fuller CB CHI | 5 |
| B | Dwayne Gratz CB JAC | 3 |
| B | Desmond Trufant CB ATL | 4 |
| I | Casey Hayward CB GB | 0 |
| B | George Iloka S CIN | 3 |
| I | Eric Berry S KC | 0 |
| S | Reshad Jones S MIA | 9 |
| S | Mike Adams S IND | 5 |
| S | Ha Ha Clinton-Dix S GB | 14 |
| I | Delano Howell S ??? | 0 |
| S | Johnny Hekker P LAR | 18 |
| I | Tim Masthay P GB | 0 |
| S | Baltimore DST BAL | 6 |
|
| S | Tony Romo QB DAL | 35 |
| I | Matt Moore QB MIA | 0 |
| I | Pat Devlin QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Ryan Tannehill QB MIA | 0 |
| S | Brandon Weeden QB DAL | 0 |
| S | Travis Frederick OC DAL | 4 |
| S | Willie Colon OG NYJ | 2 |
| I | D.J. Fluker OT LAC | 0 |
| I | Chris Chester OG WAS | 0 |
| I | Evan Smith OC TB | 0 |
| S | Clint Boling OG CIN | 10 |
| S | Ryan Harris OT KC | 5 |
| S | Mitchell Schwartz OT CLE | -1 |
| S | Matt Forte RB CHI | 13 |
| I | Darren McFadden RB LV | 0 |
| B | Fred Jackson RB BUF | 4 |
| S | Calvin Johnson WR DET | 10 |
| S | Vincent Jackson WR TB | 15 |
| B | Harry Douglas WR ATL | 7 |
| I | Jerricho Cotchery WR CAR | 0 |
| I | Brian Hartline WR MIA | 0 |
| B | Eddie Royal WR LAC | 2 |
| S | Odell Beckham WR NYG | 41 |
| B | Scott Chandler TE BUF | 2 |
| B | Anthony Fasano TE KC | 2 |
| B | Brent Celek TE PHI | 3 |
| S | Coby Fleener TE IND | 9 |
| I | Robbie Gould K CHI | 0 |
| S | Nick Novak K LAC | 4 |
| S | Buffalo OST BUF | 16 |
| S | Julius Peppers OLB GB | 4 |
| B | George Johnson DE DET | 2 |
| I | Frank Kearse DL WAS | 0 |
| B | Derrick Shelby DE MIA | 1 |
| I | Dee Ford OLB KC | 0 |
| S | Sammie Lee Hill NT TEN | 2 |
| I | Corey Peters DE ATL | 0 |
| S | Fletcher Cox DE PHI | 7 |
| B | Kamerion Wimbley OLB TEN | 0 |
| S | Connor Barwin OLB PHI | 10 |
| S | Willie Young DE CHI | 5 |
| B | Mychal Kendricks ILB PHI | 1 |
| B | David Hawthorne ILB NO | 8 |
| S | D'Qwell Jackson ILB IND | 8 |
| B | Danny Lansanah OLB TB | 6 |
| S | C.J. Mosley ILB BAL | 8 |
| S | Terence Newman CB CIN | 0 |
| B | Rashean Mathis CB DET | 3 |
| S | Joe Haden CB CLE | 3 |
| I | Prince Amukamara CB NYG | 0 |
| B | Chris Culliver CB SF | 0 |
| S | Charles Woodson S LV | 5 |
| S | Nate Allen S PHI | 3 |
| B | Kam Chancellor S SEA | 1 |
| B | Mike Mitchell S PIT | 2 |
| B | Rashad Johnson S ARI | 2 |
| S | Matt Bosher P ATL | 5 |
| I | Sam Koch P BAL | 0 |
| S | Detroit DST DET | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
If Odell Beckham's body of work exemplifies the high-point of your weekend, you know that you're on the losing end of a sordid, sick joke of a game. Words utterly fail to describe this romp into the realms of ineptitude. When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Standing here in the garish, filth-ridden stands of this now-empty stadium after the game, I got to thinking - such is truly the fate of both fans of the LLL squad. In the end, this team is just hopeless.
And so now it stands that SRS leads the all-time series 18-2 against LLL. SRS has a 11-1 regular season record (1-0 in this year's playoffs) having just won the Conference Championship game. LLL has a 8-4 regular season record (1-1 in this year's playoffs) having just lost the Conference Championship game. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SRS has decaffeinated LLL like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den 42-29 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
Things went very well for the SRS squad particularly on the defensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 296 points, 170 on offense and 126 on defense. Eli Manning with 43 points on offense and Johnny Hekker with 18 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Mason Crosby was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those NT? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Tackles, 1 QB Hits instead of playing. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Matt Flynn. His nasty effort yielded a seat alone on the ride home.
Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Allen Cummings waxed poetic, stating, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the LLL coach whined, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" |
