Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Ben Roethlisberger noted, "We know it's going to be a hard-fought game when we play these clowns - tough, physical... It's important to win the physical football games because you put so much into it. We didn't do that today. Every time I looked up, I heard the crowd and I figured it was another turnover. It's tough to lose when you've worked all week. Mentally, you have to let it go." Well no kidding, Einstein. SC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. vile. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by SC on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. So now the series stands SRS leads the all-time series 30-9 against SC. SRS has a 2-0 regular season record. SC has a 0-2 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SRS has demoralized SC as though they were an all you can eat buffet residing next to a weight-watcher's clinic 60-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. Things went very well for the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 423 points, 204 on offense and 219 on defense. Derek Carr with 47 points on offense and Ryan Shazier with 29 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, the most incompetant player of the game goes to Duane Brown. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Duane Brown, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Derek Carr added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings considered this when he said, "Every neighborhood has the story about that crazy old man who chases the neighborhood children off his property with a rake... pretty harmless and a bit pitiable... kinda reminds me of our erstwhile opponents there." In response, the SC coach noted, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||