| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge | 252 | 150 | 402 | 34 | | Home | Southside Salamanders | 316 | 184 | 500 | 83 |
| Southside Salamanders |
For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge |
|---|
| I | Josh Johnson QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Aaron Rodgers QB GB | 73 |
| S | Joe Callahan QB GB | 0 |
| S | Brett Hundley QB GB | 2 |
| I | Ryan Nassib QB NYG | 0 |
| I | Eli Manning QB NYG | 0 |
| S | A.Q. Shipley OC ARI | 11 |
| I | JC Tretter OC GB | 0 |
| S | T.J. Lang OG GB | 8 |
| S | D.J. Fluker OG LAC | 14 |
| I | Jeff Allen OG HOU | 0 |
| S | Jordan Mills OT BUF | 18 |
| S | Duane Brown OT HOU | 9 |
| B | Aaron Ripkowski FB GB | 2 |
| S | Spencer Ware RB KC | 14 |
| B | Duke Johnson RB CLE | 4 |
| B | James White RB NE | 4 |
| B | Terrance West RB BAL | 5 |
| B | Jeremy Hill RB CIN | 1 |
| B | Dion Lewis RB NE | 5 |
| B | J.J. Nelson WR ARI | 8 |
| I | Chris Conley WR KC | 0 |
| S | DeVante Parker WR MIA | 21 |
| B | Adam Humphries WR TB | 3 |
| S | Alshon Jeffery WR CHI | 21 |
| I | Randall Cobb WR GB | 0 |
| S | Hunter Henry TE LAC | 13 |
| S | Charles Clay TE BUF | 53 |
| I | Bradley Sowell OT SEA | 0 |
| B | Will Tye TE NYG | 5 |
| B | Daniel Brown WR CHI | 3 |
| I | Jerell Adams TE NYG | 0 |
| I | Jeff Heuerman TE DEN | 0 |
| S | Mason Crosby K GB | 15 |
| B | Ryan Kerrigan OLB WAS | 5 |
| I | Nate Orchard OLB CLE | 0 |
| B | Malik Jackson DE JAC | 4 |
| S | Mike Daniels DE GB | 14 |
| I | Ian Williams NT ??? | 0 |
| S | Kenny Clark NT GB | 10 |
| B | Kyle Emanuel OLB LAC | 5 |
| I | Dont'a Hightower OLB NE | 0 |
| I | Bud Dupree OLB PIT | 0 |
| S | Melvin Ingram OLB LAC | 9 |
| S | Trey Flowers DE NE | 9 |
| I | Danny Trevathan ILB CHI | 0 |
| S | Ryan Shazier ILB PIT | 19 |
| B | Kevin Minter ILB ARI | 6 |
| S | Josh Bynes OLB DET | 5 |
| B | Blake Martinez ILB GB | 5 |
| S | Christian Kirksey ILB CLE | 12 |
| B | Michael Jordan CB LAR | 4 |
| I | Craig Mager CB LAC | 0 |
| B | James Bradberry CB CAR | 5 |
| B | Quinten Rollins CB GB | 4 |
| S | Marcus Peters CB KC | 6 |
| S | Malcolm Butler CB NE | 21 |
| I | T.J. Green S IND | 0 |
| I | P.J. Williams CB NO | 0 |
| S | Ha Ha Clinton-Dix S GB | 11 |
| I | Maurice Alexander S LAR | 0 |
| S | Adrian Amos S CHI | 9 |
| B | Andrew Adams DB NYG | 5 |
| I | Reshad Jones S MIA | 0 |
| I | Jeff Locke P MIN | 0 |
| S | Johnny Hekker P LAR | 16 |
|
| I | Brian Hoyer QB CHI | 0 |
| I | Jay Cutler QB CHI | 0 |
| S | Garrett Grayson QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Matt Barkley QB CHI | 0 |
| S | Luke McCown QB NO | 0 |
| S | Drew Brees QB NO | 39 |
| S | Rodney Hudson OC LV | 15 |
| S | Andrew Norwell OG CAR | 9 |
| I | Michael Schofield OT DEN | 0 |
| S | Mark Glowinski OG SEA | 6 |
| I | Brandon Linder OC JAC | 0 |
| I | Allen Barbre OG PHI | 0 |
| S | Alejandro Villanueva OT PIT | 13 |
| I | Derek Newton OT HOU | 0 |
| S | Andrew Whitworth OT CIN | 7 |
| S | Kyle Juszczyk FB BAL | 20 |
| I | James Starks RB GB | 0 |
| B | Darren Sproles RB PHI | 4 |
| I | Robert Turbin RB IND | 0 |
| I | Eddie Lacy RB GB | 0 |
| S | DeMarco Murray RB TEN | 13 |
| I | Travaris Cadet RB NO | 0 |
| S | Isaiah Crowell RB CLE | 23 |
| B | Adam Thielen WR MIN | 13 |
| I | Nelson Agholor WR PHI | 0 |
| I | Kolby Listenbee WR ??? | 0 |
| I | Seth Roberts WR LV | 0 |
| B | Albert Wilson WR KC | 1 |
| I | Mohamed Sanu WR ATL | 0 |
| S | Jordy Nelson WR GB | 40 |
| B | Garrett Celek TE SF | 4 |
| S | Kyle Rudolph TE MIN | 18 |
| B | Jared Cook TE GB | 5 |
| B | Luke Willson TE SEA | 2 |
| B | Ryan Griffin TE HOU | 2 |
| B | Austin Hooper TE ATL | 3 |
| S | Graham Gano K CAR | 15 |
| S | Whitney Mercilus OLB HOU | 11 |
| S | Geno Atkins DT CIN | 7 |
| I | Terrell McClain DT DAL | 0 |
| S | Johnathan Hankins DT NYG | 7 |
| I | Denico Autry DE LV | 0 |
| B | Lorenzo Alexander MLB BUF | 4 |
| S | Vic Beasley DE ATL | 7 |
| B | Shea McClellin OLB NE | 4 |
| B | Derrick Morgan OLB TEN | 4 |
| S | Jerry Hughes DE BUF | 8 |
| B | Bruce Irvin OLB LV | 6 |
| B | Kiko Alonso MLB MIA | 5 |
| B | Kelvin Sheppard MLB NYG | 2 |
| S | Bobby Wagner MLB SEA | 11 |
| S | Shareece Wright CB BAL | 6 |
| I | Sam Shields CB GB | 0 |
| I | Jason Verrett CB LAC | 0 |
| B | Robert Alford CB ATL | 4 |
| S | Jamar Taylor CB CLE | 18 |
| B | Ricardo Allen S ATL | 4 |
| S | Lamarcus Joyner CB LAR | 0 |
| B | Keith Tandy S TB | 5 |
| S | George Iloka S CIN | 11 |
| S | Eric Berry S KC | 11 |
| B | Lardarius Webb CB BAL | 6 |
| B | Ron Parker S KC | 1 |
| I | Andy Lee P CAR | 0 |
| S | Britton Colquitt P CLE | 8 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Adam Thielen exclaimed, "We know it's going to be a hard-fought game when we play these clowns - tough, physical... It's important to win the physical football games because you put so much into it. We didn't do that today. Every time I looked up, I heard the crowd and I figured it was another turnover. It's tough to lose when you've worked all week. Mentally, you have to let it go." Well no kidding, Einstein. AW was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. "You want fries with that?" Yep, we'll be hearing that from Luke McCown in the near-future after this week's performance. After a time, I began to play a game, counting the seconds between mistakes, waiting with giddy excitement while seeing that head coach of theirs as angry as an animal rights activist stumbling into an NRA convention.
So now the series stands SRS leads the all-time series 9-0 against AW. SRS has a 10-2 regular season record (2-0 in this year's playoffs) having just won the Superbowl. AW has a 10-2 regular season record (2-1 in this year's playoffs) having just lost the Superbowl. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SRS has publically emasculated AW like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly 84-34 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
Things went very well for the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 501 points, 317 on offense and 184 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 73 points on offense and Malcolm Butler with 21 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Josh Johnson. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..."
Says Josh Johnson, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!"
T.J. Green added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!"
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings blathered, "He's beaten us a few times, but then again, he had to sell his soul to do so... a shrivelled-up, nasty little shell of a thing to begin with. No moral fiber at all, that one." In response, the AW coach noted, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." |
